Dying.

Death is upon us. We cannot escape it. We cannot hide.

Why is it that I am so fascinated by death? The image of my death is a puzzle that constantly soars through my imagination. Curiosity is to the point of almost killing me. Scenarios plague me but none are good enough.

I do not fear death. I do not embrace death, not yet. If I did I would not be here. Suicide is not a foreign thought to me so my outlook is probably far different than others’. People forget that we can die. They get caught up in the moment and they get distracted; which is what Heidegger was saying. We need to acknowledge the fact that we can die. Only then can we try to live our lives authentically.

But what is authenticity? Is it just living how you want? But sometimes we don’t know what we want. Is authenticity different for each person? Is my definition of authenticity the same as yours, the same as hers, the same as his? I cannot answer that. Many times we get caught up in the moment; “living in the moment”. Does that mean you’re living authentically? Are you just going along with what you want? As long as the thought of death stays with us, then maybe we are.

Death is the only fact in life. Death will happen no matter what. We are not immortal. There is no afterlife. So how we choose to live in the here and now is all in our own willpower… willpower. Funny to mention this and I didn’t even mean to. Two fellow classmates and I were discussing willpower and the will to live and overcome obstacles that might prompt suicide after class. Allow me to explain.

Suicide is hardly ever caused from thoughts the individual places upon himself. A simple “I’m not worth it” can give reason but there are generally much deeper reasons as to why a person might ultimately commit or think to commit suicide. These reasons come from Others. So, for examples sake, I never thought I wasn’t worth it, I never thought I wasn’t smart enough. However, due to outside influences and the comparisons of others, I ultimately convince myself that I’m not worth living this lifetime.

Too often do what take what others say as truth. We are easily persuaded especially if we already have a hint of uncertainty.

And so, we should ask ourselves: If I died tomorrow, would I be satisfied? If I died tomorrow, would I do anything different?

This was asked of the class and most everyone said they would do something different. But here’s where I challenge the “average” person. What is it that you would change and why? If you change, that means that you wouldn’t be satisfied with your life up until this point, more or less. If you change then you aren’t living each day as if you were to die tomorrow. I’m not trying to be grim, I’m being straightforward. We live in a society that loves to forget. Like I said before, we forget we can die.

To answer the question for myself, no I don’ think I would do anything different. I live my life the way I like; I go to class because I enjoy the material, because I want to learn. If I don’t feel like going a day, I don’t go. I work the job I work because I love what I do. If I were to die tomorrow it wouldn’t make much difference to me because I can die with the knowledge that I have. I know what my future will most likely consist of and that gives me peace. Peace of mind that I will love everyday just the same as the last. And so, with that knowledge I can be satisfied. I don’t need to see it happen; I don’t need to experience it because I love the idea just as much as I may love the actual events.